Handling Hurtful Emotions
by Muriel Larson

When Dave gets into a pressure situation, he explodes like Mount Vesuvius. Out of fear or self-defense, his wife retreats, says nothing in response to his often abusive tirades, and represses her feelings. After some years of doing this, agoraphobia hit her. And for almost a year she was afraid to leave her house to go shopping or even to church.

That is just one of the many ways in which tamping down feelings can cause a person to suffer. Many others who simmer with resentment, fear, or discouragement suffer countless physical ills and major surgery. But those who lose their tempers may also lose friends, jobs, respect, and perhaps their families.

To repress feelings may seem to be the more Christian way, but if doing so results in emotional or mental disorders, it could lead to a poor testimony. Truly, our lives, health, happiness, and testimonies depend on how we react to the problems that come into our lives. Here are some negative reactions we may have: fear, anger, hostility, resentment, resignation, depression. All of these can lead to trouble.

FEAR

Fear arises us when we are faced with a threat to our lives or the life of a loved one. It may also arise when our happiness, self-esteem, or prestige is in danger. Anxiety and worry go hand in hand with fear. Allowing fear to remain in our hearts can cause us to become physically or mentally ill.

The psalmist said, “I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4). The psalmist knew what to do when fear arose in his heart.

ANGER, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT, JEALOUSY

Anger, bitterness, resentment, and jealousy may well up when we feel we are being treated unfairly. These emotions and others filled Cain when his brother’s sacrifice was accepted by God and his was not. So he killed his brother. The Bible says, “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Proverbs 29:22).

According to the Bible, anger causes a person to act foolishly (Proverbs 14:17); it leads to trouble (15:18); it leads to judgment (Matthew 5:22). If we boil up and give vent to anger, it may lead to our cursing and using God’s name in vain. We might hurt someone we love or lose friends or jobs.

HOSTILITY

Hostility comes when a person harbors a grudge. In some cases a long buried grudge against a parent may be transferred to one’s mate or to all members of the opposite sex. Nurtured on anger and resentment, it may fester in the heart. Many abused wives and children wonder why their husbands or parents abuse them verbally and/or physically when they haven’t done anything to deserve such treatment.

Hostility may be our self-defense against what we consider to be an unloving world. But when we come to know Jesus Christ as our Savior, we may find we can forgive all who have hurt us and banish all hostility. The more we are filled with God and His love, the less we will allow hostility any place in our hearts.

Jesus declared, “You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43-44) Christians who have been tortured by ungodly captors have done this, thus gaining a measure of peace and being a testimony.

RESENTMENT

Feelings of resentment may trouble us in our relationships. We may not get the position, raise, or recognition we feel is due us. We may be mistreated. We may be misunderstood. The devil is adept at using things like this to cause us to backslide.

In the example of prayer given us by our Lord, He taught us, saying, “Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). If we truly forgive someone, we no longer keep the thought of the offense in our minds. It will lose power to hurt us.

We may also harbor feelings of resentment toward God, perhaps because He took a loved one home or because He allowed something to happen in our lives that we don’t understand. Paul said, “In everything give thanks” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Can we not trust our Lord? If you are in this situation right now, try it!

DEPRESSION

Perhaps we accept the burdens that come to us with a sense of resignation or depression, but these feelings are not good for our minds, bodies, or spirits. God can help us, as He did for Paul, to rise above our circumstances and have joy in every situation.

The psalmist said, “Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds those who trust in him. Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!”

THE PRAYER SOLUTION

Prayer is the Christian’s emotional outlet. The Scriptures above confirm that prayer is God’s way of relieving the soul. We are to bring our fears and problems to Him, pray without doubting, and pray for our enemies. We are to thank Him for blessings and answered prayer, and even for trials that make us better Christians. By praising God daily and rejoicing in Him, we experience Christ’s love, peace, and joy that banish harmful emotions.

We can unburden our hearts to our High Priest, Jesus Christ, who sympathizes with our weaknesses (Matthew 11:28, Hebrews 4:15). When I have any burden, I say, “Here, Lord, I turn it over to you.” In return He gives me His peace. Philippians 4:6-7 has been a long-time mainstay for me!

Psalm 46:1-2 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way, and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.” God says in Psalm 50:15, “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As “Dr. Muriel,” I give Biblical advice by E-Mail to readers of the online magazines, “Christian Women Today” and “Women Today.” Many of those I counsel suffer from depression and other problems today because of bad experiences that they have not dealt with in a Biblical way.